Friday, February 15, 2008

Letter Fifteen

February 15, 2008

Dear Editor:
Your charitable rejection made me feel like Thor. Green dot matrix printer paper. Text bleeding sideways off the page. No signature. You guys are awesome.

One would think a billion dollar conglomeration of publishing houses and factories making infant formula, spray cleaners, foot powder, and potted meat product could set aside enough dinero to fund some decent slurry. While you're fattening babies, shining windows, stamping out athlete's foot, and poisoning senior citizens, couldn't you deforest a little more of Oregon to prevent future writer emasculation?

My turncoat spouse insisted we try the homemade Goat Cheese Brulee with Fennel recipe on your blog; while St. Joe's emergency room replenishes the fluids we lost from projectile diarrhea, you might consider publishing a little cookbook. As an editor, I'm sure you have lots of winning ideas that would be peachy perfect for the 'house.'


U.S. Writer


Anonymous said...

Green dot matrix printer paper and a recipe for Goat Cheese Brulee with Fennel sounds like lotto money screaming to be won. Sue for food poisoning and write on their stupid dime for life. Laughing my arse off!

Avid Fan

U.S. Writer said...

Avid Fan,
Thanks for the compliment. I think it must have been the fennel.

There is humor in truth and truth in humor; a little lotto money couldn't hurt but my spouse would have kittens if I pursued a legal course of action. I have photos of our travails and copies of the ER report, just to be on the safe side.

U.S. Writer