Monday, February 4, 2008

Letter Four

February 2, 2008

Dear Editor,
Thank you for the helpful comments on my 'what if' manuscript, Fo' Shizzle Adolf Hitler.
I'm sure the concept What If Hitler Was Black? would have been an intruiging, hard-hitting and inspired work. Since you've turned it down, Time-Warner will have the honor.

And speaking of honor; some of your comments surely were unnecessary. For example, your baseball bat whallop that my metaphor reeked. Hitler's hat, the one shown in home movies from his hideaway the Eagle's Nest, is a metaphor for his desire to be just another lacky -- a 'bottom' if you will.

Cruelty was comparing my prose to the Exxon Valdez. Since writers learn in utero that clarity matters, it would have been smarter to say, 'your prose reminds me of a runaway oil tanker with a drunk at the helm.'

Thank you for taking the time to improve my skills. I'm sure taking lessons from someone whose greatest work was a purloined term paper on the life cycle of an aphid will be of great assistance in future.

Sincerely yours,
U.S. Writer

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! You are one sick m-f'r!
Mike B.

Yvonne said...

"writers" not "writer's"

U.S. Writer said...

yvonne-
since writers learn ex utero how to spell, nice catch.

yvonne said...

Oh, yes. I was given my second office job (I won't say how long ago) on probation because my spelling was so terrible.

U.S. Writer said...

yvonne,
I've had similar learning experiences although not in an office. did the job turn out well? I'm betting 'yes' since you caught my error.
U.S. Writer

Yvonne said...

Sure. That was a long time ago (longer than I care to admit ::ahem::) and I eventually quit for something better. Now the world seems out to annoy me. While I am far from perfect myself, I've even found typos in dictionaries, and always without looking. It's just sort of a ... zing! Hey, look at that!

U.S. Writer said...

yvonne,
This is what I know about you; you are youthful, ambitious, and spelling matters. are you by chance a writer or editor?

Keep coming back for more mayhem. I like visiting with regulars. Even editors.
U.S. Writer