April 19, 2008
Dear Editor:
On my agent's advice, I am pulling my manuscript from consideration. I promise under pain of testimony that Larry Totter will never see the light of day. Instead, please consider my other childrens novel, MIKE SMITH AND THE ONE-BUTTOCKED PAGE.
Sincerely,
U.S. Writer
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
Letter Forty
April 11, 2008
Dear Editor:
I am the next J. K. Rowling. Fortunately for you she couldn't hack it, but I am available.
For six months I adopted a smarmy British accent and finally have completed my first childrens' novel, LARRY TOTTER AND THE HALF-ASSED PRINCE. In this novel, a prince with one buttock must save the kingdom from the Dumb Old Bores, magical paramilitary trained peasants from a rival kingdom, who have amassed an army the likes of which Stalin couldn't have envisioned. They are ready to attack, and Larry must save the day, which he does. In spades.
I'll be eagerly awaiting your acceptance. Please include an estimation of royalties.
Sincerely,
U.S. Writer
Dear Editor:
I am the next J. K. Rowling. Fortunately for you she couldn't hack it, but I am available.
For six months I adopted a smarmy British accent and finally have completed my first childrens' novel, LARRY TOTTER AND THE HALF-ASSED PRINCE. In this novel, a prince with one buttock must save the kingdom from the Dumb Old Bores, magical paramilitary trained peasants from a rival kingdom, who have amassed an army the likes of which Stalin couldn't have envisioned. They are ready to attack, and Larry must save the day, which he does. In spades.
I'll be eagerly awaiting your acceptance. Please include an estimation of royalties.
Sincerely,
U.S. Writer
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